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This article is about the use of safewords in BDSM, for their use in contact sports see Safeword (sports). A safeword is a codeword or series of codewords that are sometimes used in BDSM to mean that a bottom or submissive is reaching a limit or for the Top/Dom to stop the sceneplay. Safewords are agreed upon before playing a scene by all participants. Many organized BDSM groups have standard safewords that all members agree to use to avoid confusion at organized play events.
Various BDSM uses In BDSM, the safeword is generally used so that the bottom can scream "no, stop", etc. as much as s/he wants without really meaning it, and still have a way of indicating a serious desire that the scene stops. Accordingly, a safeword is usually a word that the person would not ordinarily say during sex, such as red, tree, anomaly, or even safeword. Some partners have different gradations of safeword, such as yellow to mean "that hurts" or "stop doing that" without stopping the scene, and red to mean "let's stop the scene". In other circumstances the safeword may not be a "word" at all, but a signal like dropping a ball or similar, or making three clear and rhythmic grunts or vigorous motions, in the case of a person who is gagged or bound. A common convention of tops putting a finger in the bottom's hand is used if the bottom has become non-verbal, such as may happen as they reach subspace. In this scenario the bottom squeezes a pre-determined number of times to indicate OK. A common request from the top to the bottom, is to ask "What is your color?" In addition to red and yellow, green is a common safe word used to indicate, "I'm fine." In the case of sexual role-play, some simply drop out of character to safeword, such as having the submissive address the dominant by his/her first name. While many in the BDSM community consider safewords an essential part of safe play, there is a significant contingent that does not have any such term in their relationships or their play. Some of these people simply use the word Stop. Others rely on the top to monitor the condition of the bottom and stop if necessary, at their discretion. In such circumstances the bottom or submissive must have consented not to have control over the duration of the scene in advance. Interestingly some of those who recommend safewords do not, themselves, use them-- though this is not often discussed in public. There is an undercurrent assumption that play without safewords is an "advanced" technique and should not be advocated in the hearing of novices. BDSM activity without a safeword is regarded by many as inadvisable and dangerous. Ignoring safewords is considered dishonorable and a deeply immoral practice in the BDSM community. A comedic use of the safeword situation is presented in the movie Eurotrip, wherein the not-too-intelligent Cooper accidentally enters a Dutch S&M club, Club Vandersexxx. The safeword is an extremely long made-up (possibly Swedish) phrase containing a lot of special characters, which Cooper is unable to pronounce. One of Cooper's attempts at saying it is so mangled that he actually ends up requesting a particularly painful anal probe. Other usages During the filming of The Blair Witch Project, the actors used the safeword of "taco" to indicate that they were going to break character and discuss the progression of the film. | ||||||||
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